I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
