She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
