Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
