You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
