I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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