drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
