Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
