Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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