Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
