do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
