From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
