Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
