and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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