Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
