I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
