I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
