I think my fart just growled at me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
