The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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