Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
