Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
