Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
