Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
