Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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