Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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