my sisters under your porch take her home
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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