When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
