I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
