So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
