I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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