I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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