Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
