It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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