hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
