what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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