i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
