I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
