I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
