I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sext me about skeletons
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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