i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
