Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The uberlube is also flammable
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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