Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Floor bacon is actually really good
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
