Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
