The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
