Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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