you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
