We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dear god my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
