its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
