been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize