why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
