If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
