So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
