OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
