I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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