I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread