He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
