the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
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Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?