I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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