ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
false alarm, still single
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
