it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
