If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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