They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
