I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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