dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
