i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
