if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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