So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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