Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
