Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
