Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
