I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
